As children, both of us faced the unique challenges and obstacles of growing up in blended families. Coming from my own blended family, I understood early on the importance of everyone feeling like they truly belonged. I also knew what it felt like to have stepparents—no child grows up wishing for them, and yet, life often demands adjustment.
At some point, almost every child wishes their divorced parents could be together again under the same roof. Both of my parents remarried during my teen years, and that’s when our “new normal” began. Different people meant different rules, different personalities, and a life that was no longer familiar. As a teenager, I was expected to adapt, adjust, and navigate this ever-changing dynamic.
I learned early to pay attention not just to what was said, but also to what was left unsaid. Watching the actions of others taught me volumes about people. My parents always prioritized my well-being above their own differences. They never argued in front of me, never spoke negatively about the other parent in my presence, and worked to keep adult issues between adults. That’s why I was blindsided when they divorced—I genuinely thought everything was fine. It wasn’t until I faced my own relationship struggles with my first child’s father that I learned the full story. Those lessons, however, became the blueprint I would follow in my own family life.
Protecting the minds of children is vital. Consider the anxiety and stress you carry as an adult, then imagine placing that on a child who lacks the tools to fully process it. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and even damaging. Drawing from my own childhood experiences, I was determined to guide my children through breakups and divorce with care. I refused to let them be swayed by my negative emotions about their father. I made a vow to ensure they always knew they were loved by both parents, regardless of our separate households.
Fast forward to my adult life: I became a divorced single mother of two, navigating relationships with two different fathers. This was not the life I had envisioned, yet it was my reality. After my divorce, I wasn’t interested in dating, particularly not someone with children. It wasn’t the children I feared—it was the potential drama from past relationships I wanted to avoid. Despite my plans, God had His own design, which led me to an incredible man and his two children.
Together, our two families merged into one. Love brought us together, but the children didn’t immediately share our feelings. When we decided to marry on New Year’s Day in 2006, our goal was a unified family, not two separate households. Achieving this was far easier said than done.
Blending a family is a journey, an excursion that demands resilience from the start. There were moments I wanted to quit, moments when the challenges felt insurmountable. The drama I had hoped to avoid struck me early in our relationship, and even 15 years later, occasional challenges still surface.
Yet, we refused to give up. We committed to our family and to one another. Early on, we made God the center of our home. While dating, we read a marriage devotional daily and prayed together. Once engaged, we began praying as a family. Every Sunday morning before church, we gather in the living room, holding hands in a large circle, and my husband leads us in prayer. If the children aren’t with us, we still pray for them. At the end, we share one big group hug. Even in church, we hold hands during prayers as a visible reminder of our unity. This foundation in faith has been the glue that has held us together through fifteen years of challenges.
From the very beginning, I knew blending families would be hard. I vowed to show intentional and unconditional love to my children, regardless of the difficulties. And oh, it was hard—sometimes it still is. But building our family on Christ as the head allowed us to endure outside pressures and internal tensions. We may bend, but we do not break. Facing drama as a united front makes it far easier to navigate, though it can still be overwhelming and ridiculous at times.
I remember reaching a breaking point around the six-year mark, feeling ready to give up. The frustration wasn’t with my marriage—it came from co-parenting conflicts, particularly one ex who refused to communicate. In that moment, God spoke to me, guiding me to start writing. In 2012, I launched Blended and Loving It, initially anonymously, as a safe space to process my experiences and share the joys and challenges of blending families. Through blogging, prayer, and reflection, I gained perspective and learned to manage the chaos, eventually realizing it was time to share my story openly.
By 2018, I fully embraced transparency, revamping Blended & Loving It to include my identity. The goal: to promote positive blended family experiences, offering encouragement, motivation, and education to mothers, stepmoms, bonus moms, and families navigating similar paths. I chose to highlight the positive, turning potential negativity into a force for good. I took control of the narrative instead of letting circumstances dictate my story.
Yes, drama still exists in our lives, but it no longer overshadows the progress, joy, and love we’ve built. On our 15-year anniversary in January 2021, my husband and I released Blended and Loving It: A Thirty-Day Devotional for Blended Families. It’s designed to inspire families, offering encouragement to persevere and grow together. We know firsthand the challenges, and our hope is to give other families the tools to thrive. Love, intentionality, and faith have taught us that while we may not have started together, we will finish together.
Through individual prayer, family prayer, heartfelt conversations with trusted friends, and the occasional bottle of Pinot Noir, I stay grounded. Every blended family is unique and requires trial, error, and persistence. Mistakes happen, but if you don’t give up, growth and love will follow. Relationships demand work, and blended families are no different—they demand heart, patience, and unwavering commitment.
