When Stay and I first met, I was dating someone else, and although we had been separated for a couple of years, my divorce had only been finalized six months prior. Stay was in the final stages of hers. Neither of us were looking for a serious relationship, and marriage was the last thing on either of our minds.
Stay had been hired at my job, and during our first meeting, she told me I looked mean and unapproachable. My immediate thought about her? She was cute, and I felt an unexpected pull toward her.
We spent the next couple of months working side by side while I trained her. Our friendship developed quickly. We shared frequent lunches, talked about her plans to move to DC, and I even found myself giving her relationship advice. Back then, I often spoke with friends and family in Jamaican patois on the phone so coworkers couldn’t understand, and one of the first things she said to me was:
“I can understand what you’re saying, you know.”
It turned out she had been raised by a Jamaican mother, which meant my phone conversations were no longer private. I didn’t mind. I liked that we shared a culture and a piece of our heritage.
Everything shifted romantically at a company beach picnic. I spent the entire day thinking about her. All I wanted was to see her, to be near her, and once we arrived, I barely left her side. I had a feeling something was developing, but I wasn’t sure if she felt the same. Towards the end of the evening, on our way to the bathroom, she linked her pinky with mine—our first physical contact. That night, we made plans to see a movie the next morning, and from that moment, we were inseparable.
I like to joke that Stay came over for our first date and never left. She spent so much time with us that my then eight-year-old son asked her if she was homeless. We worked together all day and spent every night together—it was pure joy.
Before long, we introduced each other to our friends and family. We were confident in our love, but those around us had legitimate concerns. Stay was 12 years younger than I am, and my family wondered if she truly understood the responsibility of being a stepmom to two special-needs children. Stay’s family worried she might face heartbreak—after all, I had never been in a same-sex relationship before. Was I just experimenting? Would I leave her for a man someday?
From the start, we faced big decisions. Stay’s job was temporary, and she was set to move from NJ to VA by the end of August for a better opportunity. During an oil change, she asked the question: “When I leave, is this over? Friends with benefits? Or something more?” Sitting in that car, we made a choice: we were all in. A couple of weeks later, in the middle of the night, she appeared at my front door with roses and a ring—and proposed. We planned a small wedding for the following March.
From August 2015 to March 2016, Stay lived in Virginia while I stayed in New Jersey. We spent eight months driving four hours each way on alternating weekends, and we never missed one. The distance was challenging, but our commitment never wavered.
The five years since our wedding have brought their own challenges. Stay took a significant pay cut with her move to Virginia, betting on a future career boost—which she achieved. We supported Stay’s grandmother through serious health issues. Both my younger son and I suffered broken bones that required surgery. And, for a few months, we even hosted my ex-husband, his current wife, and their children while they navigated COVID travel restrictions. Can you imagine that conversation? “Baby, do you mind if my ex and his family move in?”
Even with these unconventional circumstances, the pandemic strengthened our bond. We kept our jobs and focused on what mattered most: our love for each other and being dedicated parents.
Being a same-sex couple has come with unique challenges. My coming out surprised most of my circle, though most were supportive. Losing a lifelong friend, however, was particularly painful. She couldn’t accept my relationship and cut ties. Despite the hurt, I made it clear my love for her was unconditional, that my door was always open. Months later, she surprised me by showing up at an event Stay invited her to, and today, our friendship has been restored.
Stay has also navigated her own family challenges. Her mom initially struggled with the idea of her daughter in a same-sex relationship, though ultimately she wanted Stay’s happiness above all. Over time, conversations helped ease tensions and encouraged acceptance. Our families have learned that love and honesty matter more than conforming to expectations.
We have been fortunate in many ways. Visits to Jamaica have been smooth, my friends from high school have been supportive, and though some have unfriended me over time, I focus on the ones who truly matter. Unfortunately, we still see anti-LGBT posts from family members, some questioning our ability to raise children. Yet my kids have always accepted Stay fully. When my younger son first asked if she was a girl, she answered with a laugh, and our approach has always been honest and age-appropriate. Our kids’ understanding, along with their peers’ reactions, proves that love and openness are what matter, not prejudice.
Ultimately, I am proud of us. We have never lost sight of our goals. We laugh a lot, respect one another, and know we have each other’s best interests at heart. Our online presence showcases that families like ours are just like any other—navigating daily life, hosting game nights, traveling, paying bills, and raising children with love. Stay is finishing her MBA, we’re about to close on our first house together, and I’m studying for my CPA license. Though we’ve discussed having more children, for now, our focus is on the family we’ve built and the love we share.
Our hope is that our family represents all our communities—Black, LGBT+, immigrant, male, female, disabled, and American. We want to be a visible example of love, commitment, and resilience. Stay and I hope that anyone who sees us knows they have a safe place to land, and that everyone deserves celebration, protection, and love, just as we do.
