One Christmas, back when I was a single mom doing everything I could to stay afloat, I decided the only way to afford presents for my child was to sell all the designer bags I had worked so hard to buy for myself. I listed every one of them on eBay, convinced I was making a smart sacrifice for the holiday.
But I had no idea what I was doing. I shipped them all incorrectly packaged, and every buyer complained that their “luxury” purse arrived crushed and misshapen. Embarrassed and panicking, I refunded every single order.
Years later, I can finally laugh at the fact that, in trying desperately to make money, I actually paid out of pocket to ship free designer handbags to strangers all over the world.
Maybe you’re in that season right now — overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like everything is stacked against you. I won’t dismiss what you’re going through. But I will tell you this: my son absolutely did not get the gifts he dreamed of that Christmas, and I am the only one who still remembers that part.
It took me years to stop beating myself up over what I believed was the Christmas I ruined — the one where I made such a foolish mistake. I carried the guilt like a weight. Yet my son? He was perfectly okay.
We decorated a little plastic tree in our pajamas, ate way too many cookies, and laughed together — and that’s all he remembers.
Every year afterward, I’d find myself alone — usually in the shower — replaying that holiday and cursing the sky. I’d think about the beautiful bags I had loved and worked so hard for, sent off to strangers who got better gifts than Santa himself… all because of me. But this year something changed.
I asked my son what he remembered from that Christmas. He smiled and said, “Cookies. And driving through the lights.” That was it. No disappointment. No heartbreak. No resentment.
He wasn’t hurt at all.
All this time, I’ve carried anger toward myself, convinced I failed him — when really, I’d been poisoning my own heart. This is the year I let it go. The year I forgive myself.
If you can’t see the end of your struggle right now, that’s okay. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Just keep moving — one small step at a time. One day, in the strangest and most unexpected way, you may find yourself laughing through the tears at what once felt unbearable.
And when that moment comes, that’s where healing quietly begins.
